


The Sound of Machinery

by BitZombie



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Cal Kestis has Panic Attacks, Gen, Nightmares, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21554575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitZombie/pseuds/BitZombie
Summary: Before Nur, the gentle thrum of the Mantis’ engines acted like a sort of white noise generator. It blocked out every thought in Cal’s head and made it simple enough to meditate until he felt the pull of exhaustion. Even the lights pulsed in a rhythm he could feel with his eyes closed, and it wasn’t uncommon for Cere or even Greez to find him asleep leaning against the wall across from his cot, face turned towards the glow.(Contains end of game spoilers)
Relationships: BD-1 & Cal Kestis
Comments: 12
Kudos: 241





	The Sound of Machinery

Sleep is hard, now.

  
Before Nur, the gentle thrum of the Mantis’ engines acted like a sort of white noise generator. It blocked out every thought in Cal’s head and made it simple enough to meditate until he felt the pull of exhaustion. Even the lights pulsed in a rhythm he could feel with his eyes closed, and it wasn’t uncommon for Cere or even Greez to find him asleep leaning against the wall across from his cot, face turned towards the glow.

  
After Nur, that gentle noise grew harsh, and now the life support systems of the Mantis sound too close to the echoing sounds of Imperial machinery. The flashing lights glow a sickly red behind closed eyelids, and more than once Cal’s found himself waking up in a cold sweat, a scream locked behind his teeth. Every time, he tears himself out of his sheets, and every time, he spends the rest of the night sitting in dark playing holochess with himself until someone else wakes up.

  
And every time, BD-1 is there with him.

  
The buddy droid has started lingering in Cal’s little room in the Mantis when he goes off to try and sleep for the night, usually perching itself on the barrier to the maintenance ladder right near Cal’s head. It clamps its little feet onto the metal and settles in every evening without fail, mismatched eyes glowing slightly blue as it watches the door.

  
When Cal inevitably shakes himself awake, BD-1 is there, its lighting panel casting a bright, warm glow over the entire room and washing the memory of sick red light and dark shadows away. Almost like the little droid knows exactly how to help Cal distinguish between nightmares and reality, BD-1 clicks noisily along its metal post, shuffling closer and beeping curiously until Cal manages to disentangle himself.

  
Most nights, BD-1’s unique noises and the light are enough for Cal to shake off the immediate terror his mind visits on him. Enough for him to stumble out of bed and into the main area of the Mantis to wait for the ship’s scheduled morning hour.

  
Some nights are much, much worse, and it’s on such a night that Cal discovers just how much BD-1 has been learning about him in their adventures together. After the fact, he’s more than thankful for the little droid’s presence.

  
\--

  
The worst part, Cal thinks, is that he can never remember enough of his dreams to be certain they aren’t real. There’s always this teeny tiny familiar little voice in the back of his head telling him this is the dream, that reality is far crueler than this.

  
Of course, it isn’t until he wakes up with his nightmares still playing shot for shot behind his eyes that he realizes ignorance truly is bliss. It’s one thing to wake up to bone shaking terror that morphs into a vague sense of unease – It’s another thing completely to have that terror continue into your waking consciousness, unable to close your eyes for fear of seeing death ever clearer in the dark behind your lids. He wakes up paralyzed, eyes locked on the pattern of the ship’s plating above his head.

  
In addition, all of Cal’s scars, both new and old, are screaming at him, a bone deep ache across his whole body that makes him want to curl up into a ball and sob. His breathing is too rapid and its like there’s a metal band around his ribs and suddenly he’s strapped down in an Inquisitorius chair and everything is red and-

  
Then there’s something digging into his stomach, too low down to be a restraint and beeping softly. Opening eyes he hadn’t even realized he’d closed, Cal looks down the length of his torso to see BD-1 crouched on top of him, head cocked to the side in what Cal’s pretty sure is concern.

  
Trying to get enough breath into his lungs to reassure the little droid, Cal forces himself to slow his breathing, but his brain has other ideas, and the attempt sets off another attack. His rapid breathing jostles BD-1 who beeps in alarm and Cal’s almost certain he’s just going to hyperventilate into unconsciousness and frankly he wouldn’t mind it if it means he can stop existing even for a just a minute, please, just one minute-

  
What little air left in Cal’s diaphragm is pushed out forcefully as BD-1 just drops its full weight onto his chest. Before Cal can even begin to panic about the new lack of air, a new sound reaches past the rushing in his ears. It sounds almost like machinery humming, but it follows a familiar pattern, and even as he watches in disbelief, BD-1 chirps at him and continues vibrating, the sound and intensity of it ebbing and flowing. Even as he puzzles over this new development, Cal finds his breathing slowing to match the pattern BD-1’s providing.

  
It’s not until he notices just how perfectly his now calm breaths match up with BD-1’s vibrations that he realizes what just happened.

  
“Are you... Are you purring?” BD-1 beeps at him in response and Cal is too exhausted to laugh at the indignant tone. He does force a grin though, and even faking it helps him clear a bit of the lingering fear.

  
It doesn’t, however, dispel the shaking. Adrenaline-fueled sweat has cooled and the combination of endorphins and chills leaves Cal shivering in his damp sheets. As the trembling gets worse, BD-1 inches up Cal’s body to settle squarely on his breastbone, servos whirring fast enough for their heat to be felt through damp cloth.

  
“Woah woah woah BD, don’t overheat yourself for me! I’ll be fine, just gotta get up and move around.” Sluggish arms try and lift the droid from his chest, but BD-1 simply headbutts Cal’s hands away, and stays firmly planted, beeping petulantly.

  
“Alright, alright, I guess I’m stuck here until you decide to move, huh?” When the only response is an affirming chirp, Cal sighs and does his best to manoeuvre the blankets back around himself, without disturbing BD-1.

  
Through it all, the little droid continues vibrating, the rhythm ebbing and flowing along with Cal’s breath, and soon after, the shaking stills. Despite everything, Cal finds himself nodding off.  
With BD-1 actively perched on his chest, beeping softly and humming, Cal feels, for the first time since returning from Nur, safe and present in his own mind.

  
Cal falls asleep to the sound of machinery once more, only this time, when it follows him into his dreams, it’s a warm and friendly presence, a balm against the cold and isolation.

  
He sleeps better than he has in years.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes hi hello This Is Rough, but I wanted to get it out in one go, just to break my general writers block. I may come back and mess with formatting a bit later but I just needed to get this drabble out there.
> 
> I love the idea of BD-1 being a legitimate Support Droid for Cal, post game, and I will give my life to let Cal know he's safe and cared for so. Here u go. Let me know what you think and you can always find me @ boganodawns on tumblr for more Star Wars content!


End file.
